"I got Soul..But I am not a Soldier"

Shake it out…

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I’m always dragging that horse around

Our love is pastured such a mournful sound

Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, 

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out,

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

‘Cause I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart

‘Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It’s always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, 

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out,

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

I tried to dance with the devil on your back 

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It’s a fine romance but it’s left me so undone

It’s always darkest before the dawn

(Oh whoa, oh whoa)

And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t

So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope

It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat

‘Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Looking for heaven, for the devil in me

Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me

[Repeat: x2]

Shake it out, shake it out, 

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out,

Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

This song is more appropriate then I care to admit. I am going to bury that horse in the ground, and say goodbye. 

Regret…

I don’t know where else to turn… I was saddened today to learn that a gift from my mother, a feather bed, which was given to us as a gift for an anniversary. We got the Feather bed, the comforter, and pillows. To make a super soft bed to sleep in. Well I learned today that the feather bed that we loaned out… was thrown away. Sigh…. People have no sense of “value” anymore. Yes it did cost over 300 dollars. But it was not the price that made it valuable it was the thought. Dan and I had stayed at the nice place in Montreal and it had a feather bed and my mom wanted to make our bed like that for our anniversary. So she bought all this stuff to do so.. and someone thinks it is ok to just through out memories. as if they are there own. I am very sad. I regret ever letting them use it. The funny thing is regret always comes after. 

I have things that mean more to me then any amount of money ever could. 

Artwork from friends

Mixed cds

Cards

a thoughtful gift

and the most of all TIME. 

Home?

So I almost got the house back to feeling like home.. feeling like my home. Not like a shared space. I still feel like there is someone else in the house though… I have to get past that. I do like having the space back. Its all the little things that I will enjoy. It is amazing… I have lived with several people and no one has ever been like that. People normally have some sense of pride in there space.. they normally like to help take care of things as a group. To make things easier. But nope.. not in this instance. 

I think I would have rather had a roommate again, at least it was more fun then. Sigh… Well it is over. 

Black River..

I heard this song for the first time on the way to a funeral a few months ago. The words seem to fit the mood of the car… “Gonna take my cares away, gonna carry my cares away” And now every time I hear this song I think of that day. Driving down a long winding road.. all silent, but the song playing in the back ground. It is amazing how a song can keep moving you to a place in time. 

I was asked the not to long ago why I listen to so many sad songs… and honestly I had never thought about it.. but then I did.. and I listened to my music and each song has a memory or two. Hell some have a lifetime of memories in them. So I am not sad listening to the sad song.. I am transported to this wonderful place that brings me back to a better, simpler time. A happier time. Some do make me sad.. though… But they may not even be the sad songs. 

Our brains are truly amazing.